Mostly for my own sake, I think I'm going to take up blogging again. There have been a lot of times when I've wanted to write, but just havn't. All the time there are things running through my head that I think, "I should write about that!" But then, of course, I don't. Most of what I write, especially now since I'm sick, will probably be just jibberish. But that's ok. It feels good to write.
I love college. I love Covenant College. I feel at home here. I'm waiting for my tea to cool off. I might have strept throat. I'm going to see the nurse tomorrow. Earlier this evening I could hear my friend James practicing the bagpipes outside. How cool is that? I was listening to Sufjan Stevens earlier. I had never heard of him before I came here and some friends turned me onto him. He is pretty much awsome.
This post is incredibly random; I guess I'm just typing whatever comes to my mind.
My roomate is playing Jars of Clay "Tea and Sympathy." I love Jars of Clay. They are amazing. It's funny because I'm drinking tea right now. Or maybe I just have a weird sense of humor. Every time I put my cup down on the dresser my roomate thinks someone is knocking at the door.
I'm so excited about my major. Community Development. It seems perfect for what I want to do. I feel like it's what God is leading me to right now. I'm stoked to see what he does in the next few years. Heck, I'm excited to see what he does in the next semester.

A senior reflection...

So, here I am at the end of my high school career (or a few days away.) this is one of my reflections, although it’s about the future rather than the past. So, a prediction? Anyways, so I’m thinking about how the thing that has meant the most to me throughout my experience has been people (who aren't actually things, really.) lately everyone has been going through the annual sadness (including myself) about seeing people leave for the next stage of their life. People I have grown to love, respect, cherish, who have become family to me, I will no longer be at school with. No longer will see each other everyday (or just about everyday.) but to get to the point, we as Christians have a hope in this sadness. No matter if we never see our fellow Christian friends in this life after the day we graduate- we KNOW that we will be spending eternity together. This probably isn't that original of a reflection- but how cool is that? I mean, I’m honestly not trying to be smarmy or cute or just sound nice. That is the truth. We will be spending eternity in the presence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, glorifying Him in perfect fellowship with Him and with our brothers and sisters.
Romans 8:35-39) says "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, for thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Doubtless we will go through a lot in our lives- its part of being a Christian. We will probably (I hate the thought) grow apart from most of our current friends. But as believers, we will always be brothers and sisters. We know that our lives have impacted each other, challenged and strengthened each other, in deep ways. We have sharpened each other and edified each other in ways that ultimately point to the grace of God. And we will continue to do these things. For eternity.
Prov. 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
So, I’m thinking we should plan a game of capture the flag for eternity. Everyone game?

Fire bubbles!

In chemistry on friday the class did the fire bubble lab. we made said fire bubbles with soap, water, and glyceral (?) the insides of the bubbles were filled with methane gas, making them flammable. we put them on our hands and arms and lit them. it was the coolest lab ever. Paul singed a lot of arm hair, Kyle accidently pulled his hand back through a flame, and Charlie got a little dizzy from the gasses. other than that, there were no serious injuries to report. we took a field trip to the student center afterwards for fresh air.

The Great Blog Depression

Blogs everywhere are out of posts. They are starving. There is a serious post shortage. And the deflation of posts makes every post worth so much. :cough: the blogosphere is dry. it's like the Dustbowl of the blogs. deadness. I have to wear a scarf over my face when i get on because the posts are so old and dusty.

Covenant Campus Preview Weekend

By popular demand, here are pictures from the trip taken last week by Erin, Charlie, Mrs. Grotenhuis and myself. It was a great trip, and very encouraging for me to visit the college that I am hoping to attend next year. We had a good time and got to visit Matt and meet up with a few other friends. The college is incredible, and the people I talked to were all very encouraging. Erin, Mrs. Grotenhuis and myself outside the Starbucks in downtown Chattanooga.
Erin, Charlie, Matt and I hung out in the lobby of the main building, Carter Hall, on Friday night.
If you look closely, you can see the campus on Lookout Mountain.

The overlook on the campus.

Matt took us down to the Catacombs, the hall below his. They are reputationaly big prankers down there. It was Battleball night, so they had all of their crazy clothes spread out in their commons.
The view from the overlook.
Carter Hall.
The chapel.

Dance Pictures

Here are pictures from the Sweetheart Dance that I went to last night with Charlie, Caroline, Drew, Danielle, and Kyle. Kayla and Paul met up with us at Mr. Yens. It was fun. Dani, Kayla and I acted stupid on the dance floor breaking out the robot, the sprinkler, and other random moves. Kyle and Paul even invented the curling dance move- imitating olympic curlers.

Dum dum da da da da....

Is anyone else inspired by the olympics? Especially the snowboarding, when i watch the athletes i just want to get out there and do that to. the adrenaline, the competition, the fear, the victory.... sports are an awsome chance to glorify God with our bodies, minds, and spirits.

Another sweet song

Hey, a new favorite song of mine by a band called Monday Morning. I heard it the other day and i started to cry. good tears, the kind of tears you cry when you are inspired and awestruck by God's grace. it's one of those songs that hits perfectly what i am feeling. God is awsome. Here is some of it- the parts that especially hit home.

all my hopes and dreams inside/visions lurk behind my eyes/something new behind it grows/...but I'm still nothing next to You/ I'm still nothing next to you/...what I've seen and where I've been/what's breaking out and breaking in/...how I've changed and how I've learned/becoming less becoming more/and I'm still nothing next to you/I'm still nothing next to you/...the sickness my mind's battled long/the center of my every song/the beauty of my voice it fades/into a spiritual cascade/flowing from Your perfect smile/I've avoided all the while/but I'm still nothing next to you/I'm still nothing next to you/all the future seems unclear/never moving never near/but You hold me as I scream/wake me from my wicked dream/something out there waits for me/hand in hand we wait for it/but I'm still nothing next to You/I'm still nothing without to You/and the wonder of it all is I'm still standing/...never planned it/and I wonder where I'll be next year/will You stand right next to me/will You hold me faithfully/should I question all these things/what makes me so deserving/of something that I've thrown away/coming back for me today/when I'm still nothing next to You/I'm still nothing next to You/hearts are broken just to mend/when will my brokenness end/lending my mind to dreams it seems/some things are never meant to be/but faith it lingers as I die/inside surrending I cry/I'm still nothing next to You/I'm still nothing without You

So I am stoked to see what God has "out there waiting for me," because i know it's just going to keep adding and building on to this awsome story He has going in my life. Even if it's hard and even if i don't at first like it, I know whatever happens is meant to make me more into the person he wants me to be.

Day hike at Hemmed In Hallow (part II)

Erin perched on the rocks at the campsite, overlooking the water.
Another picture at the Hallow.
Another picture of us lost. (sorry the chronology of these pictures is a little messed up)
At the campsite. Denver, our inspirational military leader.
Matt, Denver, and Charlie on the rocks.

Day hike at Hemmed In Hallow

Yesterday Matt, Denver, Charlie, Erin, and myself went for a day hike at Hemmed In Hallow. Here are some pictures of our trek.

We got lost trying to find the place, very lost. this is Denver going to ask directions from the visiters center.

This is the hallow. It is awsome. it's a waterfall at other times of the year, although now it is just a continuous trickle. it's do incredible to watch the water fall.
More of the hallow.
Looking up from in the hallow.
Erin in the hallow.

Crunch Time

In more than one way. naturally it's the end of semester-time to get everything turned in-send in all applications-time to finish up MU classes academic crunch time. it's also time to start doing some crunches because the egg-nog, cookies, cany canes, and all other seasonal delights plus the cold weather's keeping me from exercise can't be good for me.
To echo Matt's recent post, i can't believe it's almost the end of the semester. pretty soon i will have only one semester of high school left. ever. and then the summer. and then off to college. wow. it's so fast, even though it took forever to get here. it's a little paradox in itself that way.
by the way, i just sculpted a potatoe snowman for ceramics. it's pretty cool.

If God can hear Jonah...

If God can hear Jonah from the belly of a fish, he can hear me from the belly of academics. ha ha, i am so clever. I am learning my dependance on God and casting all of my cares for him to carry. I have to write a short story for one of my correspondance MU classes, for which i am totally drawing a blank. I got my act results today and i got a 24, which is pretty good. i'm going to retake it (and this time study!) i need to finish my Covenant app, and work on getting some scholarships as well and other financial aid (FAFSA, here i come!) i'm feeling senioritis creep on with the second quarter. i have a lot of cleaning to do at home, especially before thanksgiving. i have to do some shopping and find my Advair perscription, since i'm out. buy hey, life is still good. :-) it'll all work out for my good and God's glory.

Some STEP pictures

here are a few pictures from when i went on STEP this summer in Chino California.

watching John Piper's don't waste your life DVD in the youth room
Discipleship training with Pastor Sawtelle
volenteering at His Nesting Place
on the way from the airport on the first day, in the most rockin vehicle ever. a '70 something station wagon. banana yellow with interior molding. seriously, this thing gives the Grotenhuis's van a run for the money. it rocks so much.
with the O'Neil's on the 4th of july.

Agrivation and rest

I'm home sick today. the first full day of it; i'd taken off a total of two blocks for the enitre year. none of it has been because of fatigue, thank God. although i have been really tired, it because i have this reoccuring cold. it keeps coming back, although weaker every time, like the axe murderer in a series of cheesy horror films. hey, cool analogy, i should use that in English. but yeah, i got up this morning and felt not so good, my mouth was all gunky and my nose stuffy. after i brushed my teeth i got n my knees by my bed and prayed about whether or not i should stay home from school.
i decided that if i didn't take today off, when i wasn't doing too much in my classes (except i have to finish up and history test, but that wont take long) i might miss more later, or on more important days.
i hate missing school. i really hate it. but hey, maybe God is showing me that i am not yet invincible. just because i'm not over chronic fatigue doesn't mean it's going to be a breeze form here on out.

Homecoming

Under the last minute coercment of a girl in my history class, i went to homecoming on friday night. the theme was "pure imagination" from willy wonka and the chocolate factory. the tickets were shiny golden tickets, which was cool. they also had graphic dance regulations on the back which was... interesting. I went with a group of 8, including me. i didn't know anyone in our group except for the girl in my hisotry class, with whom i'm not great friends anyways. we ate at Hinode, a japaneese steak house. the chef was nice and funny (they make the food in front of you, at your table) and food food was incredibly good. i'm drooling just thinking about it. i kept spilling fried rice all over my dress, which was rather funny. overall, i didn't like my group all that much. not to sound mean or snobby, because they were really nice. but they spent most of dinner complaining about people they didn't like, basically gossip. i was pretty quiet during dinner, piping up every now and then when they would mention movies or something like that. once we got to the dance i ran into a few friends of mine, and while my group went into the dance floor (they didn't abandon me, i kind of drifted away from them by choice, and they didn't seem offended,) i hung out with people from FCA. i spent the rest of the evening with that group, and had a good time, and didn't see my original group again until the end of the dance.
as far as dancing goes, my new group and i pretty much had the same ideas- the robot, disco, and some random cool moves we would do on the outside fringe when the mood struck us. it was fun. i didn't have to see too much of the nasty stuff since most of that was in the middle of the dance mosh pit.
my original group went to see the corpse bride after the dance; i went to a friends house instead where a couple of people were hanging out. we thought about watching a movie but decided we were all too tired and went home.

moral of the story: dances can be fun, but only when you go with your friends. oh, and i had a cool teal dress. the only pictures i have are of me at home in my dress, which i will try to post some time.

Joy in Life

I'm just reflecting on how God has totally changed my perspective over the last few years. when i was going through a really rough time in my life and suffered from depression, my depression was more than mental. although it is a medican condition for which i needed the help that i got, and my medication did help, it was also a spiritual condition. i had no joy in God and absoloutly no passion for life. it's crazy how God chooses to bring us through the darkest points in our lives only to bring out in us our deepest love and desire for him. it's kind of funny, i remember back then one day picking up a book on our shelf called "spiritual depression" by D. martin lloyd jones, and almost reading it. i put is back and decided i really didn't need it. it wouldn't help me. then at convention this year in a workship, i forget which one, one of the speakers mentioned it as being a really good book that helped him get through some depression. pretty crazy.

just a little of whats going on

I am getting a bit sick. i wanted to come home today after first block but i stuck through it and felt better as the day went on. so i'm very glad i didn't miss. i'm not going to miss tomorrow either. i just wont be very pleasent for my first two blocks :-P our walk for life team really needs to raise more money. i guess i'm sort of in charge of that. got my senior head shots taken this afternoon. signed up for the ACT in october. history test on friday or monday. chem test on friday. glazed in ceramics. aparently there will be another relient k concert sometime in october. i want to go. need to do some homework. cool convention pictures on rys website. i miss convention. can't wait for next year's.
Everyone go to see you at the pole on wed!!!

First will and testement

since i have never made a will before it didn't seem accurate to call it the last one.
in the event of my untimely demise... well, i figured it was best to have these things sorted out.
first, i leave my toothbrush and chapstick(s) to Erin.
Angela gets my kitties, assuming hers don't kill them. whatever else, just keep them away from the Grotenhuis's.
Sam, my stand up kitchen-aid mixer, goes to Mark, so that he may make many a sweet potatoe waffle with it and pick up many a lady at Covenant.
Angela also gets my movies and my Audrey Hepburn poster and purse.
Charlie inheirits Mark and Matt, except that Erin and Angela have the shared responsibility of monitering their love lives (Don't let Mark get carried away with the waffles)
Mike gets all of my CD's and the responsibilty of finding my Relient K CD.
finally, Matt can have all of my books, textbooks, and Mr. Wilbur.

Now that we have all of these things sorted out, let me know if i have overlooked anything.

Looking back

Looking back at the road so far

The journey’s left its share of scars

Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it’s clear to me

That a man is more than the sum of his deeds

And how you’ve made good of this mess I’ve made

Is a profound mystery
Looking back you know

You had to bring me through

All that I was so afraid of

Though I questioned the sky,

now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back I see the lead of love
Looking back I can finally see

How failures bring humility

(I’d rather have wisdom and pain)

Brings me to my knees

(Than be a comfortable old fool)

Helps me see my need for Thee
Looking back you know

You had to bring me through

All that I was so afraid of

Though I questioned the sky,

now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

Looking back I see the lead of love

These are the lyrics for Caedmons Call's song Lead of Love. I heard this song for the first time recently and, like Jars of Clay's Love Song for a Savior (which is a whole entry in itself,) this song is a piercingly accurate representation of my life over the last couple of years. people who know me know some of the struggles i have gone through since starting high school. now, looking back, i am starting to see God's wonderful plan unfolding in my life in ways that could never have been part of my own design. The line that especially reaches me is in bold; "I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view." if God had not brought me through all of the struggles in my life, and did not still, i would not be nearly as close to him. and through my struggles He is strengthening my faith, to know that He is preparing me for His service and to bring Him more and more glory in my life. I now have a joy in Him that could only be a result of, among other things, seeing His handiwork in my life. Now i want to boast in my trials, if only that others might see His grace working in me. Like Jars of Clay sings in their song Art in Me,

In your picture book I'm trying hard to see

Turning endless pages of this tragedy

Sculpting every move you compose a symphony

You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

It is also ironic that the song would speak of seeing the mountain view, since, God willing, after the struggle of getting through high school i will go to Covenant College, which is situated on a mountain.

My "mountain view," to be seen in God's time, after walking many rocks

Lack of postage

I am going to make a short, VERY compact summary that will probably serve as merely a quick intro for later posts concerning the various aspects of my AWSOME summer. for one, STEP, that was an unbelievably rewarding experiance. the things i learned i pray fervently i will not forget, and not only not forget, but give away. by which i mean i pray that i will put into practice all of the things God has done for me this summer through not only STEP but also convention and even a simple visit to a college. i was making a conection last night between what God is doing in my life right now and the name of the most recent CD of the group Caedmon's call. their CD is entitled "Share the Well," which they explain is related to a well ( i think in India) where two little girls sat with an empty cup, waiting for someone to fill it up for them. all day they waited and no one filled their cup.
God's incredible work in my life, and the utter joy I have been given in Him, is like that well. and it is overflowing. this is not only in my life, but in all of ours. how can we truely apreciate and make the best of this well? we have to share it. we are surrounded by dehydrated people dying for joy and grace and God has given us the great comission of sharing the well.
i shall post more later, which will God willing, include pictures. much love and until later, share the well.