IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...
Opening Credits:
Jigsaw Falling Into Place- Radiohead
Waking Up:
You're Still You- Josh Groban
First Day At School:
Sum Of Beautiful- Charlie Hall
Falling In Love:
Bittersweet- James Taylor
Fight Song:
Track 27- Shroeder's Greatest Hits
Breaking Up:
Have yourself a merry little Christmas- Frank Sinatra
Prom:
To Where you are- Josh Groban
Proposal:
Here I am- Michael W. Smith
Life:
Wake Up- Arcade Fire
Mental Breakdown:
Be Thou My Vision- Michael Card
Driving:
Beautiful Sound- Newsboys
Flashback:
Paperthin Hymn- Anberlin
Getting back together:
In Love with the 80's (Pink Tux)- Relient K
Wedding:
Voice of Truth- Casting Crowns
Birth of Child:
You are a Child of mine- Mark Shultz (no joke)
Final Battle:
Dizzy- Goo Goo Dolls
Death Scene:
Not What You See- Kutless
Funeral:
Keep the Car Running- Arcade Fire
End Credits:
Bus Driver- Caedmon's Call
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I'm seeing a connection between this and the last post
How long does a person fight before giving in to the current? How long does kick and scream against sickness, fatigue, depression, and discouragement, before they are supposed to give in and call it God's will? How does one interpret long-term non sin related struggles, when these struggles seem to be because that person is doing what they thought they were supposed to do? What they desperately want to be doing?
When it can only be one of two things, that either God is saying that they are trying to take a hold of something, to be someone, that they were never intended for, or that they are exactly where God wants them and must depend on His grace to see them through this, how is one to tell the difference?
When it can only be one of two things, that either God is saying that they are trying to take a hold of something, to be someone, that they were never intended for, or that they are exactly where God wants them and must depend on His grace to see them through this, how is one to tell the difference?
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Andree Seu quote
"This is the best I can do with unanswered prayer. The possible answers seem to be 'yes,' 'no,' or 'you have no idea what's going on behind the curtain of your sensate reality, so you best make up your mind once and for all- I do love you. Will you trust me?' "
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
C.S. Lewis quote
From The Problem of Pain,
"We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character... one can imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and re-commenced for the tenth time, wish that it were only a thumb-nail sketch whose making over was in a minute. In the same way it is natural for us to wish that God had designed us for a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but we are not wishing for more love but for less."
"We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character... one can imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and re-commenced for the tenth time, wish that it were only a thumb-nail sketch whose making over was in a minute. In the same way it is natural for us to wish that God had designed us for a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but we are not wishing for more love but for less."
Today's schedule
7 AM- Alarm goes off- reset as a result of having stayed up late finishing a paper and taking too much Nyquil afterwards
8 AM- was supposed to work
9AM- was supposed to be in French class
10AM- was supposed to be in Doctrine class (but I did get the paper, for which illness had earned me an extension, e-mailed)
10:30AM- Got up
11AM- Chapel, with guest speaker Archbishop of the Anglican Church of Uganda Henry Orombi
12:00PM- Luncheon with Archbishop
1PM- skipped Cultural Heritage of the West Class to stay and listen to Archbishop
2PM- E-mail Prof. about having to miss 3PM class for...
3PM Interview for Bagpipe article with Dr. Rulon
3:25PM- unexpectedly hunt down Dr. Green for interview for Bagpipe
4PM- Workstudy meeting for team leaders
5:30PM- Hall dinner with RD downtown at Panera
7:30PM- nighttime chapel with Archbishop
9:30PM- Hide in library and write article, only to discover that I had another day to write it and therefore could have done more pressing homework
12:08AM- Waste more time writing on blog and rethinking life...
The significance of this day (which, for the record, was rather unusual, except for the oversleeping part) is somewhat overwhelming. Each individual event, as well as the whole, having more significance in my life personally than first glance may tell.
Hopefully I'll expound more on this soon, but for now, I feel responsibility calling me back to the dorm and to bed.
8 AM- was supposed to work
9AM- was supposed to be in French class
10AM- was supposed to be in Doctrine class (but I did get the paper, for which illness had earned me an extension, e-mailed)
10:30AM- Got up
11AM- Chapel, with guest speaker Archbishop of the Anglican Church of Uganda Henry Orombi
12:00PM- Luncheon with Archbishop
1PM- skipped Cultural Heritage of the West Class to stay and listen to Archbishop
2PM- E-mail Prof. about having to miss 3PM class for...
3PM Interview for Bagpipe article with Dr. Rulon
3:25PM- unexpectedly hunt down Dr. Green for interview for Bagpipe
4PM- Workstudy meeting for team leaders
5:30PM- Hall dinner with RD downtown at Panera
7:30PM- nighttime chapel with Archbishop
9:30PM- Hide in library and write article, only to discover that I had another day to write it and therefore could have done more pressing homework
12:08AM- Waste more time writing on blog and rethinking life...
The significance of this day (which, for the record, was rather unusual, except for the oversleeping part) is somewhat overwhelming. Each individual event, as well as the whole, having more significance in my life personally than first glance may tell.
Hopefully I'll expound more on this soon, but for now, I feel responsibility calling me back to the dorm and to bed.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Chamomile and Sufjan and 1 am
It's my own fault that I'm up this late. I chose to get a chai tea with espresso at Starbucks with my house mates at 8 pm. I'll regret it tomorrow morning when I have to get up for work, but for now my mind is restless so I'm just going with it.
As though I didn't have a hard enough time getting up in the mornings. Yet another struggle that, as menial as it might seem to others, I need to learn to lay the guilt of (so many missed classes and days of work,) at the foot of the cross and kill as part of my old, lazy nature.
So here I sit, on the couch of my apartment, with my chamomile tea, listening to Sufjan, and contemplating sleeping on the couch, where I might have a harder time oversleeping in the morning.
At least I'm using my sleeplessness productively; finally returning e-mails months overdue. Making to-do lists that I might actually accomplish when tomorrow comes.
And there are so many things I need "to-do..."
An ever-present pile of dirty dishes in the sink stare me down, a bathroom that must have only just now suddenly become dirty because I certainly didn't notice it before...
Little projects of my own, some necessary, some not, that lie around the house and around my mind half finished. Correspondences and prescriptions that have been pending for too long, both designed to ease my breathing.
So many sins and questions un-bathed in prayer and fasting- indulged, rather, in vain attempts of self-attained understanding.
As though I didn't have a hard enough time getting up in the mornings. Yet another struggle that, as menial as it might seem to others, I need to learn to lay the guilt of (so many missed classes and days of work,) at the foot of the cross and kill as part of my old, lazy nature.
So here I sit, on the couch of my apartment, with my chamomile tea, listening to Sufjan, and contemplating sleeping on the couch, where I might have a harder time oversleeping in the morning.
At least I'm using my sleeplessness productively; finally returning e-mails months overdue. Making to-do lists that I might actually accomplish when tomorrow comes.
And there are so many things I need "to-do..."
An ever-present pile of dirty dishes in the sink stare me down, a bathroom that must have only just now suddenly become dirty because I certainly didn't notice it before...
Little projects of my own, some necessary, some not, that lie around the house and around my mind half finished. Correspondences and prescriptions that have been pending for too long, both designed to ease my breathing.
So many sins and questions un-bathed in prayer and fasting- indulged, rather, in vain attempts of self-attained understanding.
Uganda
I am finally going to post about Uganda. Not that I've finished "processing," which has almost become a meaningless term to me, since I just keep using it am no longer sure what I mean by it, what it looks like, and haven't tasted of the fruits of it, for which I had so desperately craved and expected.
Those fruits, I suppose, were understanding and peace. The first I have not yet come fully to. Ok, so I never will in regards to anything, let alone this trip. Although God has given me some small measure of it for now. All I need of it, anyways.
The second, peace, I have had all along. Peace not being an emotional feeling of ok-ness, but rather that all-surpassing sort of peace that is present by the power of the Holy Spirit, despite everything seeming to be in spiritual chaos in my life. I know, and knew even on the trip, (and what thankfully reminded on the trip,) that God has a plan and that everything is in his hands, working out in His perfect design, and is working out my good.
But I think I've digressed...
I do have a short summary of the trip that I'm pulling from an e-mail I wrote just a few minutes ago to a dear friend, whose father I met, crazily enough, while I was in Uganda. It was one of those things that just smacked me over the head with God's obvious grace to me on this trip, since I met him when I was feeling especially discouraged and talked to him, who had great wisdom and insight, about all the things I was going through. Anyways, here is the summarizing excerpt:
I pretty much had an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, including your dad, at one of our nightly meetings. Everyone was emotional that night, and many were wrestling with the same sort of issues that I was, and it all hit me at that moment and I pretty much had to be lead out of the room weeping.
My struggles concerned the nature of the way we were evangelizing. We didn't have relationships with the people we talked to (which would have been difficult since it was door-to-door,) and while I wasn't sure exactly how it should be done, having never really done it before, I was uncomfortable with how most of the people presented the gospel. It also bothered me that we, being the rich, white, westerners, came to a third world country, where the people literally have nothing, to share the gospel with all word and no deed. It seemed like a half-gospel, when the book of James calls for both word and deed. The fact that people listened to us simply because we were those white economic symbols of education and modernization, seemed like an issue we should have addressed. I'm not sure how we could have addressed it, but it felt like we encouraged an idealization of us by taking advantage of their listening to us but never addressing it. Plus, I'm not convinced that most of the people who "accepted" Christ didn't just do so because we were white, or because they are just a gracious people by nature who wanted us to be happy.
I was also dealing with some personal issues in regards to my own calling, faith, priorities, and pride.
But I don't at all regret the trip. I learned and grew so much, especially in light of what I went through. I knew these were questions I needed to be asking, and issues that needed to be brought out and faced in my life, especially given what I want to do with my life. And Dr. K is doing a lot of good things in Uganda, and it is exciting to see God moving there through his ministry and, even, through some of what the team did while we were there. Good friendships were formed, and I love Africa! It was exciting to be there and worship with and get to know our Ugandan brothers and sisters. I especially enjoyed the last week (enjoyed being a relative term,) because most of the team spent it living with one of the pastor's out in a village. We had no electricity, no plumbing, we were out in the middle of a village surrounded by African landscape, our walls in the house didn't go all the way up to the ceiling and so every conversation was heard throughout the house, and there were no doors, only transparent curtains, and many of us got sick. That week was an experience I am immensely grateful for.
It was definitely God's design that a few days later I wasn't feeling well and so stayed at the house one day. Besides Dr. K's house staff it was just your dad and me at the house, and so we ended up eating lunch together and talking, where we discovered the connection. When we ended up talking about my breakdown it was very edifying to hear his point of view of the situation and what I was going through.
I will most likely post more about the trip later on, but this is a start.
Those fruits, I suppose, were understanding and peace. The first I have not yet come fully to. Ok, so I never will in regards to anything, let alone this trip. Although God has given me some small measure of it for now. All I need of it, anyways.
The second, peace, I have had all along. Peace not being an emotional feeling of ok-ness, but rather that all-surpassing sort of peace that is present by the power of the Holy Spirit, despite everything seeming to be in spiritual chaos in my life. I know, and knew even on the trip, (and what thankfully reminded on the trip,) that God has a plan and that everything is in his hands, working out in His perfect design, and is working out my good.
But I think I've digressed...
I do have a short summary of the trip that I'm pulling from an e-mail I wrote just a few minutes ago to a dear friend, whose father I met, crazily enough, while I was in Uganda. It was one of those things that just smacked me over the head with God's obvious grace to me on this trip, since I met him when I was feeling especially discouraged and talked to him, who had great wisdom and insight, about all the things I was going through. Anyways, here is the summarizing excerpt:
I pretty much had an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, including your dad, at one of our nightly meetings. Everyone was emotional that night, and many were wrestling with the same sort of issues that I was, and it all hit me at that moment and I pretty much had to be lead out of the room weeping.
My struggles concerned the nature of the way we were evangelizing. We didn't have relationships with the people we talked to (which would have been difficult since it was door-to-door,) and while I wasn't sure exactly how it should be done, having never really done it before, I was uncomfortable with how most of the people presented the gospel. It also bothered me that we, being the rich, white, westerners, came to a third world country, where the people literally have nothing, to share the gospel with all word and no deed. It seemed like a half-gospel, when the book of James calls for both word and deed. The fact that people listened to us simply because we were those white economic symbols of education and modernization, seemed like an issue we should have addressed. I'm not sure how we could have addressed it, but it felt like we encouraged an idealization of us by taking advantage of their listening to us but never addressing it. Plus, I'm not convinced that most of the people who "accepted" Christ didn't just do so because we were white, or because they are just a gracious people by nature who wanted us to be happy.
I was also dealing with some personal issues in regards to my own calling, faith, priorities, and pride.
But I don't at all regret the trip. I learned and grew so much, especially in light of what I went through. I knew these were questions I needed to be asking, and issues that needed to be brought out and faced in my life, especially given what I want to do with my life. And Dr. K is doing a lot of good things in Uganda, and it is exciting to see God moving there through his ministry and, even, through some of what the team did while we were there. Good friendships were formed, and I love Africa! It was exciting to be there and worship with and get to know our Ugandan brothers and sisters. I especially enjoyed the last week (enjoyed being a relative term,) because most of the team spent it living with one of the pastor's out in a village. We had no electricity, no plumbing, we were out in the middle of a village surrounded by African landscape, our walls in the house didn't go all the way up to the ceiling and so every conversation was heard throughout the house, and there were no doors, only transparent curtains, and many of us got sick. That week was an experience I am immensely grateful for.
It was definitely God's design that a few days later I wasn't feeling well and so stayed at the house one day. Besides Dr. K's house staff it was just your dad and me at the house, and so we ended up eating lunch together and talking, where we discovered the connection. When we ended up talking about my breakdown it was very edifying to hear his point of view of the situation and what I was going through.
I will most likely post more about the trip later on, but this is a start.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Seven Swans
I'm listening to Sufjan Steven's Seven Swans album, which I recently acquired. It is a beautiful album, and I have heard that it is his most spiritual album. I'm excited about dissecting the album.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Rainy day
Today after work I went for a long walk in a steady, gentle rain. I walked out to the pond and took the boat that is always there, although I'm not sure if anyone actually owns it, and paddled to the middle of the pond in the rain. It was lovely. Very peaceful. Good prayer time. And I got to step knee deep in mud when getting out of the boat :-)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I think I am going to be abnormally introverted this summer (abnormal for me, anyways.)
I'm still trying to process my trip to Uganda this past month. I'm writing a lot more than I have in the past, a healthy habit born out of the trip. Journaling was probably one element that saved my sanity on the trip; that and some of the other people on the team. I'm also finding it a good outlet for expressing my post-trip thoughts and feelings, especially when there isn't anyone immediately around me who would necessarily understand those thoughts and feelings.
It was a bit of a shock for me to come back to the states, since I don't feel like I really had the chance to focus on reflecting on the trip. I haven't had the chance to go home, but came straight back to school where I'm working for the summer. Living on my own, feeding myself, working a full-time job. It's all kind of overwhelming. Plus I know life will just get crazier when school starts again, since I'm an orientation team leader for the incoming freshman class, possibly the discipleship coordinator of my hall, and will have a crazy year academically.
I'm just kind of overwhelmed right now, emotionally. I feel like I'm actually growing up. I wouldn't want to be anywhere than where I am right now, but it's a lot to take in. So I'm going to be doing a lot of thinking this summer. And praying. And fasting. And writing. And reading (on a lighter note, I am enjoying a good novel and some new music.)
I do plan on blogging about the trip more specifically, when I get my thoughts more organized.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Woah....
Can I breathe yet?
I don't think so. Not fully.
Sitting in my temporary living quarters in Mac, I'm eating a meal of pita bread and canned chicken. I leave for Africa on Thursday. We leave here on Wednesday and stay in Atlanta for the night. qahm/ Sorry, that was me dropping my fork on the keyboard. The campus is so empty, and I feel so alone.
Nothing is like what I thought it would be. Maybe I'm just more tired than I thought I would be...
The biggest surprise is that I actually wish I could go home for a while. I'm just not sure now if I'm ready for all of this. And so much has happened. And I'm so changed.
I'm not so much homesick, as I am just tired. I miss my parents. And things feel so unsteady right now, it would be nice to be in a place that feels more secure, just for a little while. Somehow it will all be OK.
I made these decisions with prayer, and believing it to be right, to be God's will for me. Knowing He would carry me through them. The decision to work here over the summer, to not go home. The decision to go to Africa for a month. The decision to come to Covenant. To major in Community Development. I knew it would be hard. and it is. But I still know that God is carry me just as always.
Maybe I would feel better had I not failed a class. Were I more financially able to pay for this school. Basically, had I not made so many mistakes. But I'm a sinner, and I'm going to stumble on this path, just so long as the path is the one God wants me on. The cross is powerful enough to cover all of my sins. And no matter what God gives and takes away from me, it's His will, and it's because He loves me.
God will give me rest.
I don't think so. Not fully.
Sitting in my temporary living quarters in Mac, I'm eating a meal of pita bread and canned chicken. I leave for Africa on Thursday. We leave here on Wednesday and stay in Atlanta for the night. qahm/ Sorry, that was me dropping my fork on the keyboard. The campus is so empty, and I feel so alone.
Nothing is like what I thought it would be. Maybe I'm just more tired than I thought I would be...
The biggest surprise is that I actually wish I could go home for a while. I'm just not sure now if I'm ready for all of this. And so much has happened. And I'm so changed.
I'm not so much homesick, as I am just tired. I miss my parents. And things feel so unsteady right now, it would be nice to be in a place that feels more secure, just for a little while. Somehow it will all be OK.
I made these decisions with prayer, and believing it to be right, to be God's will for me. Knowing He would carry me through them. The decision to work here over the summer, to not go home. The decision to go to Africa for a month. The decision to come to Covenant. To major in Community Development. I knew it would be hard. and it is. But I still know that God is carry me just as always.
Maybe I would feel better had I not failed a class. Were I more financially able to pay for this school. Basically, had I not made so many mistakes. But I'm a sinner, and I'm going to stumble on this path, just so long as the path is the one God wants me on. The cross is powerful enough to cover all of my sins. And no matter what God gives and takes away from me, it's His will, and it's because He loves me.
God will give me rest.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I'm so grateful for the fellowship of believers.
Today was not a great day, to say the least. I overslept for an exam that, until half-way through yesterday, I had thought was tomorrow. I was an hour late, had not studied, and I don't know how well I did. I also needed to get an 89% or better to pass the class.
Basically, everything else in life decided to catch up with me, since this morning's exam caused a huge breech in my emotional stability, and I've had about half a dozen break downs today. But every time I've broken down, or even explained my situation, it's been with loving brothers and sisters who have held me and prayed for me and let me break down. I think I've been prayed for and over more times today than in a long time. This kind of encouragement has really been defeating the initial discouragement of the morning.
Not to mention the amazing talks I have been having with so many people lately. I've never been so surrounded by so many people around whom I can make myself completely vulnerable, and who do the same. Being honest about the issues and struggles of our lives. It still isn't the most comfortable thing to do, to put yourself out to other people, and it is still something I have to struggle to make myself do. But it is always rewarding to open myself up to trusted fellow believers who are confirming of the fact that I am not alone, and I am not insane.
Today was not a great day, to say the least. I overslept for an exam that, until half-way through yesterday, I had thought was tomorrow. I was an hour late, had not studied, and I don't know how well I did. I also needed to get an 89% or better to pass the class.
Basically, everything else in life decided to catch up with me, since this morning's exam caused a huge breech in my emotional stability, and I've had about half a dozen break downs today. But every time I've broken down, or even explained my situation, it's been with loving brothers and sisters who have held me and prayed for me and let me break down. I think I've been prayed for and over more times today than in a long time. This kind of encouragement has really been defeating the initial discouragement of the morning.
Not to mention the amazing talks I have been having with so many people lately. I've never been so surrounded by so many people around whom I can make myself completely vulnerable, and who do the same. Being honest about the issues and struggles of our lives. It still isn't the most comfortable thing to do, to put yourself out to other people, and it is still something I have to struggle to make myself do. But it is always rewarding to open myself up to trusted fellow believers who are confirming of the fact that I am not alone, and I am not insane.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Can't focus...
Sarah and Jason sit across, sharing earphones.
Still on an Anberlin kick.
Taste of lemon ginger tea.
Sound of typing.
Mind is fuzzy with so many distractions.
Africa.
Work.
Summer.
Friends.
Future.
Family.
Money.
All the things needing to be done.
Can't do it.
Of course not.
But does grace extend to these little things?
Or is it only for big things, things that absolutely couldn't be but for grace?
Is grace willing to condescend to these little tasks like school and work and relationships?
I should know the answer.
Sarah and Jason sit across, sharing earphones.
Still on an Anberlin kick.
Taste of lemon ginger tea.
Sound of typing.
Mind is fuzzy with so many distractions.
Africa.
Work.
Summer.
Friends.
Future.
Family.
Money.
All the things needing to be done.
Can't do it.
Of course not.
But does grace extend to these little things?
Or is it only for big things, things that absolutely couldn't be but for grace?
Is grace willing to condescend to these little tasks like school and work and relationships?
I should know the answer.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Time to breathe
I'm not on the Tuck shoppe steps as of tonight. Although it would be a nice night for it...
I'm sitting at one of the tall, coffee shop like tables in the library by the hot water. Lauren and I are studying, although she isn't here this second. I'm considering refilling my tea cup, since the little that is left is cold, and it's only my first cup. I'm listening to Anberlin via my cheap, old headphones. I don't have any homework due tomorrow, so I'm just trying to relax and catch up on some things. It's odd to have a night without anything pressing actually, but nice. It's that insane last few days before the end of the semester where every paper, assignment, and test it being concentrated into the few days left of class, and everyone is just trying to get done everything they can and try to pass their classes. Many of us are also trying to fit in every last work study hour that we can, since we are behind. I doubt the bathrooms in Founders have ever been so clean...
In reference to a line in this song that I just heard (We Dreamt in Heist), I feel like I'm under the gun. Apparently I still owe the school money (money I don't have) so I need to talk to financial aid tomorrow. I'm trying to see if I can work in the week before I leave for Uganda and hoping I'll still have a job since I'm coming back later than expected. I'm also having a crazy amount of time taken up by meetings for Orientation team for next year. My Saturday is shot for that. The Saturday after that, right in the middle of finals, I am planning, along with many other students, to attend Displace Me in Nashville.
Displace Me is organized by Invisible Children, where hundreds of people will gather and sleep under cardboard tents in the city, surviving on water and crackers for the night, to bring attention (hopefully especially our governments attention) to the plight of the displaced refugees in Uganda, who are victims of the civil war in Northern Uganda. I am really looking forward to the event. It is especially exciting that just a little over a week after that event, I will be going to Uganda and spending a month in that country.
After I get back, I'll be working here for the summer, which will be amazing. I am living with my good friends Sarah, Jessica, and Lacy, in the student apartments. After that, orientation week, the new school year, and so on. Basically, I'm catching my breathe whenever I can. And I'm trying to focus on what I need to do now. Or for Friday. Such as reading Descartes.
I'm sitting at one of the tall, coffee shop like tables in the library by the hot water. Lauren and I are studying, although she isn't here this second. I'm considering refilling my tea cup, since the little that is left is cold, and it's only my first cup. I'm listening to Anberlin via my cheap, old headphones. I don't have any homework due tomorrow, so I'm just trying to relax and catch up on some things. It's odd to have a night without anything pressing actually, but nice. It's that insane last few days before the end of the semester where every paper, assignment, and test it being concentrated into the few days left of class, and everyone is just trying to get done everything they can and try to pass their classes. Many of us are also trying to fit in every last work study hour that we can, since we are behind. I doubt the bathrooms in Founders have ever been so clean...
In reference to a line in this song that I just heard (We Dreamt in Heist), I feel like I'm under the gun. Apparently I still owe the school money (money I don't have) so I need to talk to financial aid tomorrow. I'm trying to see if I can work in the week before I leave for Uganda and hoping I'll still have a job since I'm coming back later than expected. I'm also having a crazy amount of time taken up by meetings for Orientation team for next year. My Saturday is shot for that. The Saturday after that, right in the middle of finals, I am planning, along with many other students, to attend Displace Me in Nashville.
Displace Me is organized by Invisible Children, where hundreds of people will gather and sleep under cardboard tents in the city, surviving on water and crackers for the night, to bring attention (hopefully especially our governments attention) to the plight of the displaced refugees in Uganda, who are victims of the civil war in Northern Uganda. I am really looking forward to the event. It is especially exciting that just a little over a week after that event, I will be going to Uganda and spending a month in that country.
After I get back, I'll be working here for the summer, which will be amazing. I am living with my good friends Sarah, Jessica, and Lacy, in the student apartments. After that, orientation week, the new school year, and so on. Basically, I'm catching my breathe whenever I can. And I'm trying to focus on what I need to do now. Or for Friday. Such as reading Descartes.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Thoughts from the Tuck Shop steps
Once again, I'm sitting here in the dark on these steps thinking. This time my homework is actually done. I've been thinking about the brokenness of this world, and all the pain in it. Somehow, in God's perfect plan, He brought about the ultimate redemption and repairing of the world's brokenness, through the biggest evidence of it's brokenness.
The David Crowder Band sings in their song "Wholly Yours," "from wounded hands redemption fell down, liberating man."
By the gruesome murder of an innocent man, God's only son, who never sinned but only loved, and willingly subjected Himself to death and hell, and the taking of the world's brokenness, brokenness was defeated. Only by this can the breach be repaired, people healed and forgiven, and Shalom be restored.
The David Crowder Band sings in their song "Wholly Yours," "from wounded hands redemption fell down, liberating man."
By the gruesome murder of an innocent man, God's only son, who never sinned but only loved, and willingly subjected Himself to death and hell, and the taking of the world's brokenness, brokenness was defeated. Only by this can the breach be repaired, people healed and forgiven, and Shalom be restored.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Scene
The night air is cool and there is a light breeze as I sit on the stairs of the Tuck shop, at eleven pm, trying to study for my New Testament test tomorrow. Obviously the studying isn't going to well. There is a group of students in the distance, in front of the library, playing the guitar and drums. People are coming and going past me, out from Carter, the Chapel, across the Chapel lawn, to the library, all with their different lives and destinations. My earphones gently project the sounds of Jars of Clay to me ears, without totally drowning out the sounds of the distant students and the wind rustling through the trees.
In the ocean of my current stresses about school, work, friends, and everything, everything at which I feel I am failing desperately, I feel God calling me gently that it is all in His hands. This is a lesson that I know but haven't quite learned. How is it that I don't fully trust Him still? Lately I have been thinking about what it would look like if I were to truly have faith in God.
What would it look like for me to have no hesitations in doing what God calls me to do. To really believe, to the fullest, that He can and will do all the things He says He will. That everything He calls me to He has already planned the means for, and that He is carrying everything I do in His hands. How much more bold would I be?
What kind of beautiful peace could I constantly have if I believed that He has my best interest in mind. And not only my good, but His glory? What would my life look like if I truly cared more for His glory than for my own good? What if I understood how these two concepts are intertwined?
What if I were to really understand and believe in His love? That I am to come to Him always, no matter how I am. That I don't have to impress Him. That He knows the depths of my soul far more than I do, and understands it, and that I don't have to be in any particular emotional state to pray to Him. That I don't have to say the right things. To live my life as a constant prayer.
In Matthew 17:20 Jesus says, "For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
I am starting to have new insight to that verse since I live on a mountain. It's not just inspiring imagery. Jesus means it. The idea of moving this mountain is frightening. Not just physically, but spiritually. The idea of Christ's using the small faith of those of us living in our safe and comfortable community to do great things for him, to repair the brokenness of this world, is not comfortable. It's challenging. But it's exactly what He is going to do.
We often pray and sing for the Lord to pour out His spirit upon us and to reveal His glory to us. I wonder if we realize what a frightening thing we are praying for? When the Holy Spirit comes, big things happen. People are healed, tongues are spoken, people are bold, the gospel is spread. This is what we should want, but do we really? And do we really believe that when we ask Him in faith, that He will send His spirit?
I pray for the faith to believe that God will do all that He says He will.
It's now 11:26 and I'm losing faith in my own ability to study tonight. Once again, I'm relying on God's grace for me to accomplish all the things that I need to in the next week. I can't do it, but He can through me.
The wind is still gently rustling through the trees, and the students with the instruments have gotten louder and more lively. There are fewer people walking to and fro.
God has brought me so far. I'm still in awe that He brought me here, and I have to trust that if He wants me here, and I really think that He does, that He will provide the means.
Monday, January 15, 2007
New Semester
(New semester, new hair)This semester is going to be crazy, but I'm excited. I have 17 credit hours, with more challenging classes than last semester. I also still have 15 work study hours. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays will be interesting especially; chapel 11-11:30, Math 11:45-12:50, and Philosophy 1-1:50. So I will be eating late breakfasts and late lunches. In addition to my classes and homework, I have to work out regularly for PE. I'm also trying to raise money to go to Uganda in May. I'm also planing on working here at Covenant during the summer, since it will probably be the best opportunity that I will have to make money.
I am going to enjoy my classes a lot this semester. I am especially enjoying Theory of Community Development and Introduction to Philosophy. The bulk of the work this semester is going to be reading, and there will be a lot of it. I like that most of the work is reading, but this means that I am going to be fairly anti-social.
If I do work here over the summer, however, I think I will enjoy it. I don't mind the work (it's what I already do for work-study,) and I have friends who will be working as well. I would live for free in the student apartments with room mates. Supposedly they give you plenty of days off, so I would most likely be able to come home plenty.
I'm getting more and more excited about my Economics and International Community Development major with being in the theory class. The more I learn in the major, the surer I am that this is where God wants me.
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